crying thursday

What the hell am I doing in New York? I miss trees and green landscapes..

This week has been really trying for me. I am coming to the realization that I am very, very poor and cannot afford to do extravagant things like shop, go out to eat, or go out drinking more than once a week. I am also coming to the terrifying conclusion that I am going to have to live with complete stranger come June because I have no other options right now. But I'm in New York City, right? So it's cool!

Not really though. This city isn't any fun if you don't have money to enjoy it. EVERYTHING here costs money, and large amounts of it. It costs money to leave. I feel SO TRAPPED.

I can't afford to take a vacation. I can barely even afford to go home for a weekend. I don't know what I'm doing here. If I made what I do now in Ohio I could have a nice apartment with a gym, pool, rec center, comfortable things, be able to go shopping, out to eat and go out. Sometimes when I think about that I feel sick to my stomach.

I am happy here. I love where I work. I want to do more. I want more challenges. But I can't help but feel like I'm lying to myself. Like people just think I'm this dummy Receptionist who has half a brain and can't do shit except file papers and give them their transit checks. UNTRUE. I am fully capable.

I hate how people's money and family connections get them jobs. I HATE that. I am smart. I am capable. I work HARD. I have always worked. I have worked with all kinds of people. I understand people. I am an excellent communicator. I have pretty solid writing skills. No, I wasn't in sorority. And yes, I probably could have done more as far as being "involved" in college. But not everyone is so fortunate to have amazing self esteem and think they can conquer the world at 19 years old. Some of us have to come into ourselves a bit. But I have changed so much since college and I want the chance to show people that.

God, this is isn't even about New York...

I AM GOOD and I want people to NOTICE.

Ugh.

new years 2011

whoa, so its totally 2011 now.

i've decided i should start blogging about my personal experiences here in nyc. obviously i'm not going to go into too much detail, but i want to remember this shit and i truly do have some funny stories, so i figure, why not share them?

new years 2011:

Warehouse party in Bushwick:

We paid $20 to get into something that clearly we did not need to pay for. A huge warehouse, a lot of 19 year olds, Ariel Pink (the dude) was wasted and screamed, "I hate you all" and then preceded to play a crappy show.

Coco 66 in Greenpoint was actually way more fun. I kissed my friends. Found some dude. And danced to top 40 songs.

The warehouse party should have been cool. But none of us do/did any fun party time drugs so we were pretty much a bunch of sober sallys mingling with a lot of kids on ecstasy.

In the end, I'm glad we stayed in Brooklyn. I didn't get to see the ball drop. I feel slightly uncomfortable with the decisions I made. I need brunch and a bloody mary. I'm glad its not Sunday.

Cleveland

http://gothamist.com/2010/12/01/new_trend_moving_to_cleveland.php

So this article was posted on Gothamist today about how artists are now flocking to cities like Cleveland and Detroit. I'm kind of in love with this bit of information. I'm of a firm belief that artists sort of have the power to invigorate a city. It's like that whole gentrification thing, you know? Definitely has its good and bad points, but in general, I think its positive. No, Cleveland does not have a lot going for it...but what it does have is POTENTIAL. The whole last year I lived in Cleveland, I kept thinking...they need to set up subsidized housing for artists in an area like Tremont...and per this article, it would probably be a good idea. When I worked for the Short North Business Association in Columbus I did a lot of reading about the history of the area, and what I learned was that the area had been really run down and so it was cheap to live there. In turn, artists moved in (because artists are typically poor), set up galleries, and had art related events. Then rich people moved in to start their own galleries, and more rich people came to visit them. Of course they needed someplace to eat, so restaurants opened, and then they thought it would be pretty cool to live there, so housing got nice, etc.. Basically this is Cleveland's answer to everything that is currently going wrong. I hope they embrace it. Public officials in Cleveland have a tendency to screw things up (hence the current situation), but maybe this time they will see the light. Improving the public transportation would also be a bonus. Seriously, if that happened, and bike lanes happened, I might consider moving back in a few years. Maybe even doing something entrepreneurial. Till' then I will continue to tell everyone I meet in New York that Cleveland is actually pretty awesome. Low cost of living, lots of potential, down to earth people, and we're totally the underdogs when it comes to sports (which in my opinion is a good thing, just as long as we win once and awhile).

rant

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/23/gop-new-old-same-pet-issues-republicans_n_787415.html


I was just reading this article and this is my rant:

I don't understand why taking down Planned Parenthood could POSSIBLY be GOOD for the economy!?!?!?

I love how Republicans love to waste everyone's time talking about things like this and how bad gay people are. It just seems like a ploy to distract everyone from the fact that they have no idea how to solve our economic problems either!

Blah. So annoying.

Like honestly, this is why I can't stand the Republican agenda.

Sorry, this just bothers me. Let people make their own decisions when it comes to morality.

Cool thing for NYC Roommate seekers

I found this event today when I was searching for apartment listings (for someone else -- work related, blab, blah) but anyways, it's pretty awesome. If you're looking for apartments or roomies it would probably be something to try out. Not sure exactly how it works, but I just thought I'd share/post it on here to use in the future if I ever need a roommate.

**Oh yeah, if you were living under a rock and didn't notice, I chose NYC. I like it a lot. Definitely exactly how I thought it would be. Maybe I moved here because it seemed like all my friends were, but really I love it now and have a great job, so all is good in the hood (which happens to be Williamsburg).

Where the heart is?

If home is where the heart is, then I am very confused as to where the hell my home should be. My heart is not here (Cleveland, OH) that's for sure.

There are three cities I would consider moving to:

1) New York, specifically Brooklyn.


Why New York?
Everything, literally. New York has every kind of everything. The diversity is amazing. I would never be bored. A lot of my friends are there. Most of them make me feel like there is no other place in the world that could possibly be cooler or more exciting. I loved it here. If I could find a job, my career potential would be limitless. It could be a lot of fun. Also, SUBWAYS = great public transportation (a concept I am very fond of).

Why Not New York?
Dirty, expensive, stressful. I'm not going to lie and say New York didn't stress me out a bit. You have to be on your toes constantly. It's also very expensive, and I think I would miss trees/greenery/fresh smelling air a lot.

The low-down: Reality is, if I got a job there I would probably try it. But more and more I realize that I don't think I'm willing to quit my job and go there with nothing. I have weird feelings about the fact that all my friends want to go there, and that maybe I'm just getting sucked into the hype and ignoring the fact that I might be interested in being somewhere else. This is a tough one for me.

2) Austin, TX



(okay, Austin and Portland are kind of funny since I've never been to either place)

Why Austin?
Live music scene (if you don't know me, then you must be made aware that I'm a music fanatic). Bike culture. Seemingly active and healthy culture. Mexican food. People seem happy. I could probably get a job there with the company I currently work for. My aunt's family lives 2 hours away (it would be nice to be close to SOME family for holidays and such). It's generally a young city that I hear nothing but good things about.

Why not Austin?
I think I would eventually miss seasons, especially fall. It's in Texas, which has always been a state that annoyed me on a multitude of levels. Not a great public transportation system. No friends are there.

The low-down:
I need to visit. There is really no way to know if I like it without ever having been there. I like the bike culture thing. I really don't like the poor public transportation system thing. I love warm weather, it makes me happy. However, I'm not sure if I can get up the nerve to move someplace where I literally don't know anyone.

3) Portland, OR



Why Portland?
I'm pretty sure Portland is going to be my favorite city hands-down, and again, I've never even been there. I LOVE how green it is (literally and environmentally). The bike culture is amazing. The public transportation is rad. It's close to mountains and the ocean. It's seemingly full of young, interesting people, good restaurants, and culture. It seems safe, peaceful, and generally beautiful.

Why Not Portland?
I haven't heard anything too special about the job market. It's far from my family/friends, and I don't know anyone there. It's also apparently expensive, and I've heard it rains a lot, which can be depressing.

The low-down: I need to visit, however visiting could potentially be a very expensive endeavor. I could probably get a job there through my company. But it's very far, and very expensive. Yet somehow, Portland remains my favorite on this list.


In general, this is a very confusing topic for me. I'm trying to do some soul searching, and maybe try to travel to Austin and Portland to see if they're really how I'm imagining them to be. The trouble is that all of the money I use for travel could be going towards starting a new life in one of the aforementioned cities. Very difficult decisions.

***UPDATE*** After reading this over a few times, and reading quite a few forums on Austin and Portland, I feel that New York is the best place for right now. It's all I've been thinking about since I visited July 4th and I've been pursuing finding a job there pretty hardcore for the past month. Marchons, marchons!

reality bites

Living with your parents is lame. I can't wait to move out. Hopefully this will happen within the next six months. Preferably, in the Brooklyn, NY area. I really feel that I would like my roommate/living situation to be akin to that of the one Winona Ryder's character had in Reality Bites.