crying thursday

What the hell am I doing in New York? I miss trees and green landscapes..

This week has been really trying for me. I am coming to the realization that I am very, very poor and cannot afford to do extravagant things like shop, go out to eat, or go out drinking more than once a week. I am also coming to the terrifying conclusion that I am going to have to live with complete stranger come June because I have no other options right now. But I'm in New York City, right? So it's cool!

Not really though. This city isn't any fun if you don't have money to enjoy it. EVERYTHING here costs money, and large amounts of it. It costs money to leave. I feel SO TRAPPED.

I can't afford to take a vacation. I can barely even afford to go home for a weekend. I don't know what I'm doing here. If I made what I do now in Ohio I could have a nice apartment with a gym, pool, rec center, comfortable things, be able to go shopping, out to eat and go out. Sometimes when I think about that I feel sick to my stomach.

I am happy here. I love where I work. I want to do more. I want more challenges. But I can't help but feel like I'm lying to myself. Like people just think I'm this dummy Receptionist who has half a brain and can't do shit except file papers and give them their transit checks. UNTRUE. I am fully capable.

I hate how people's money and family connections get them jobs. I HATE that. I am smart. I am capable. I work HARD. I have always worked. I have worked with all kinds of people. I understand people. I am an excellent communicator. I have pretty solid writing skills. No, I wasn't in sorority. And yes, I probably could have done more as far as being "involved" in college. But not everyone is so fortunate to have amazing self esteem and think they can conquer the world at 19 years old. Some of us have to come into ourselves a bit. But I have changed so much since college and I want the chance to show people that.

God, this is isn't even about New York...

I AM GOOD and I want people to NOTICE.

Ugh.

new years 2011

whoa, so its totally 2011 now.

i've decided i should start blogging about my personal experiences here in nyc. obviously i'm not going to go into too much detail, but i want to remember this shit and i truly do have some funny stories, so i figure, why not share them?

new years 2011:

Warehouse party in Bushwick:

We paid $20 to get into something that clearly we did not need to pay for. A huge warehouse, a lot of 19 year olds, Ariel Pink (the dude) was wasted and screamed, "I hate you all" and then preceded to play a crappy show.

Coco 66 in Greenpoint was actually way more fun. I kissed my friends. Found some dude. And danced to top 40 songs.

The warehouse party should have been cool. But none of us do/did any fun party time drugs so we were pretty much a bunch of sober sallys mingling with a lot of kids on ecstasy.

In the end, I'm glad we stayed in Brooklyn. I didn't get to see the ball drop. I feel slightly uncomfortable with the decisions I made. I need brunch and a bloody mary. I'm glad its not Sunday.